I struggle to put words to the events of recent. Perhaps it is the fog of exhaustion that still tugs at the corners of my mind or perhaps the dull ache in my leg muddying the waters. The few clear thoughts I do pull together are ones driven by emotion and of limited use. Now is the time for reason. Fury must be patient and burn slowly until its smolder can be put to profitable use. However, I would be lying to myself if I did not admit that regret does gnaw at my bones. Regret for not doing a thorough investigation regarding Walid the Traitor when there was time. Not following the faint line of suspicion I first had. I explained it away and will therefore bear some of this awful burden.
We have Drow, Undead, and various Fae all contributing to the chaos and present dangers that cocoon New Haven, so when would the proper time have presented itself. Despite all of these dangerous foes, it was one of our own that crushed us. I mourn for those lost, for the grief on the hearts of our people. And I mourn for Ebrahim. For who he could have been. For the hope that was placed in him by others, for how he should have been. Those hopes have turned out to be empty, the expected taste and warmth naught but bitter ash.
No matter the depth of my cynicism, people continue to surprise me as to their capacity for evil. Yet, I must hope that we fight for something. That we strive together so that civilization may one day flourish. In a way, it is good that Ebrahim did what he did, because at least we now know that he was evil. Whether he started this way or not doesn’t matter, but it is how he ended. Whatever plans he had laid will be uprooted, whatever good he had sown will spoil and fester as the rot of his memory takes hold.
I know I judge harshly. I must. We must. At least, if we want to build something that will last beyond this generation. No one is wholly good or wholly evil, we are creatures that must find the balance within. Reason is our one true navigator lest paranoia or delusion lay a film over our eyes, perverting our gaze and distorting our realm. That is my guess as to what happened to Ebrahim. And while I understand how he could have come to some of his conclusions, it does not excuse them in any way. His actions were evil, they should be remembered as such.
I’m not even sure what a fitting punishment would be. Should he lose a soul shard for each one lost? No, that does not feel right. Should he be left with one, a single thread of his essence so that he has one last opportunity to do good? That feels too lenient. This speculation bears no merit as it is not my place or purpose to choose.
Katesh, poor creature. So strong and proud. So broken. Like a golden eagle with broken wings. She leans into her pain, her private torment like it is the only friend she’s ever known. I speculate that this pain has become an identity of sorts. Perhaps this is because of the disfigurement that was carried out on her person. But I don’t know. And in recent years she has not been what one would call approachable. Yet she is K’ojin and the fire inside this mountain has been growing hotter and more potent each season. I’ve seen storms in the homelands rip trees out the ground and shear the tops off of mountains. They contain less power and fury than Katesh’s eyes.
I wish an Elder were in New Haven, someone to give her counsel in this dark night of her soul. Honestly, she would be a good candidate for Elder, but not in her current state. If she can navigate through the hazard filled wastes she finds herself in, it will only cement the idea further in my mind. Her disfigurement means nothing in regards to her worthiness.
We had traditions, we had laws, we had clans, we had our homes. Now, we must become something more, K’ojin united. A people that tells their story together. I don’t know if we will ever regain the things we have lost, certainly not in our own lifetimes. But they are worth fighting for. They are worth dying for. Though my essence is weakened now, part of my soul gone back to the Weaver, I will continue to toil for a New Haven that can one day know peace. It is attainable, but it means that all of us must do good in all the ways we can, in all the places we can, at every opportunity we can. And it means standing firm against the darkness, and when evil rears its head, calling it by name at each and every incarnation. This time its name is Ebrahim Walid.